I also finally went to see Mariah and Sam in Chicago. It was the best time in my life and I am wanting everyday so much to just get back to the city. Mariah is such a beautiful person and I am so lucky for her to be in my life. She made Chicago amazing. We baked cookies and watched movies and went to Trader Joes. I've never had a friend like her.

It's been awhile

I'm living now and I've changed so much. I can't sum up these past seven months. I've finally learned that it is okay to have real relationships with other people. I met a ginger boy. But I am leaving soon so I know we shouldn't get too close. I try to fuck it up. But he likes me too much for something silly to change how we are. I wish I could just give him all of me but I don't think I will ever do that. He makes sick beats. He holds my hand. He is so good. I don't ever want it to end. But I keep thinking that it should. I think I should stop being so scared.

But we're all just part of some giant grand machine.
Too big to really understand.
But we'll do our jobs till we break down and fall.

Now we just sleepwalk. We drift through the week.
A dead procession always dragging its feet. Well, come on.
Our hands are swollen. We all need to sleep.
But there's no time, just stitch us up so we'll keep.

We're all just part of someone's elaborate plan.
Chess pieces in some grandiose scheme.
But we'll do our jobs till we break down and fall.

Restless, restless. Listening to the same Joy Division song on repeat. Thinking about all the places I'd rather be. I'd always rather be somewhere else. I wonder what will happen when I get somewhere else. Will I miss home?

Feeling too much is difficult. I don’t sense that anything is a big deal so it is nearly impossible to register when something actually is important; what should I be doing, where should my hands be placed?

I remember when I had things to say. I remember when I had things I wanted to say, was waiting to say. But now I’m just blank.

5 favorite albums of the week:

-The Microphones


-The Magnetic Fields


-The Fiery Furnaces


-The Kings of Convenience


-The Jesus and Mary Chain

Top 5 Christmas Elves

Bernard the arch elf

Hermey

Jingle and Jangle

Jovie